Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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