So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
