Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
