Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
