HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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