i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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