Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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