Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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