East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I understand Curling. That high.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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