the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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