It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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