every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
