im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
