So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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