My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
