I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
