I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
