I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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