Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
