I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
