it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
