I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
