Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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