Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
