You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
