Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
