how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
