Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
