Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
