so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
