I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
