I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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