I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
