Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
