My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Found the puke drawer
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
