I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
