On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
