i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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