My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
