we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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