I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
