That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
