how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
