Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
