You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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