Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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