in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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