period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
