i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
