So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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