Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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